This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
