You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
