Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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