We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
