It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
