my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
