I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
