shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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