I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
