I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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