i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
