therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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