If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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