i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
