After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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