Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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