if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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