He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
