guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
