May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize