problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
