The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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