but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
