we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
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