Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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