you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize