What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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