you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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