i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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