So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
