every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
