I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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