I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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