he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
