If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
