babies were throwing up all over the place
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize