he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
