I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
