so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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