Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
