what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
