bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
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