I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize