She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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