i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
that's an acceptable place to lick
Welp...herpes.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
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