i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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