he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
