hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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