Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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