I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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