Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize