I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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