I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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