3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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