So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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