I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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