the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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